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So tomorrow I'm going home for the holidays for a couple of weeks.

I'm not going to lie, some of the memories from my childhood are not the best. In the later years of living there in highschool I would get really bad migraines from stress. I guess I just don't want it to bring on some seasonal depression.

I know some other people have pretty hard families experiences, but no matter what my family has been through or done I will always love them.

Wish me luck through this holiday season. I'll probably be blotting a lot. :)

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saturday night..

 

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weighing

It's 3am and this post is coming from my phone.

Lately I've been having flashbacks of things that have happened to me in the past. Mostly bad, but a few good ones scattered in. So I have taken the liberty to start writing them down. I want them to help inspire me instead of haunt me. Honestly I feel that this is easier said than done. I'm hoping that when I start writing a book that I can use these memories as fuel to my fire. Turning my negatives into something more.

So I leave you with this question this morning. When you have memories does your bad outweigh your good? How do you handle this?

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reminders

 

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Write a reminder! Whenever you're feeling down look at it, make sure you write something that is uplifting. Something that makes you smile. Gives you the warm and fuzzies!

Concepts

 

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As I'm writing this I'm realizing how hard and how easy it is to let someone down. Sometimes you don't even know you are until after the fact. 

Life is full of hard concepts to understand. What is on you're struggling with tonight?

Relapse happens.

I think when talking about depression and recovery you have to talk about another word.

Relapse.

Yeah just like another addiction or cancer you can relapse. It doesn't mean have another bad day. It means having another day that you write a suicide note or lay out the pills or bawl on the floor with a razor. It means all those nasty thoughts that you never thought you'd have again bringing you down.
But let me tell you a secret.

Relapse happens to everyone.

You're not the only one that thought they were getting better. And it may not mean you're getting worse either. Everyone has a trigger, you just have to be the one in control. Get help. Call someone. Go have a cigarette or a coffee. Relax. I KNOW this is easier said than done. But get in control.

Two summers ago I was taking summer classes 3 1/2 hours from my hometown. I was living with a family friend that worked nights and campus was kind of dead, you could almost see the tumbleweeds.  I had just started anti-depressants and anti-crazy pills, and this was at the peak of my depression.

That night i 'cracked' again I called my friend K and M to come get me. I needed out of my head. I needed my mom. I called her at 2 am suicidal and raving mad. My friends calmed me down, got me cigs, and watched disney movies with me all night. That is real friend ship. And it takes courage to ask for help. You are not helpless in this act, but helping yourself. I think that is what some people do not understand.

I say this every post. If you don't have someone or feel comfortable talking to someone I have an email address, everything will be anonymous. pinky swear.: Dontforgetthelight@gmail.com

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inspiring photos.

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born. never. forget.